Friday, July 31, 2009

question 60

Q. Is it true that oysters are aphrodisiacs?

A. The only part of oysters that have aphrodisiac properties are the pearls, and then only when arriving in large quantities, perfectly matched, top quality, hand knotted, with a sophisticated but secure clasp.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

question 59

Q. Is it true that every dark cloud has a silver lining?

A. An unexpected sheet of metal in the sky would certainly explain a lot of mysterious airplane accidents.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

question 58

Q. How can I meet cute guys in uniform?

A. Buy a Weapon of Mass Destruction.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

question 57

Q. How could Shakespeare have written so much in one lifetime?

A. He lived before email.

Monday, July 27, 2009

question 56

Q. Were the pyramids made by Space Aliens?

A. Yes. They use them to store their supplies for Anal Probes.
Which of course is why the Sphinx is smiling.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

question 55

Q. Why do Aliens have no noses?

A. Not sure. It may relate to constantly doing anal probes.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

question 54

Q. Do cats actually have nine lives?

A. Yes. With the exception of metric cats, who have ten.

Friday, July 24, 2009

question 53

Q. Should I contribute anything to Zombies going door to door in my neighborhood?

A. That's a No Brainer.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

question 52

Q. Is it true that no two snowflakes are alike?

A. No, but this popular misconception makes it very difficult for the snowflakes who have evil twins.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

question 51

Q. What should I do if confronted with a charging bear?

A. Turn off the Nature Channel.

Monday, July 20, 2009

question 50

Q. At what point do life forms become self aware?

A. I don't know, but we can only hope that Planaria don't know what they look like.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

question 49

Q. Why do geese always fly in a "V"?

A. So far "V" is the only letter they have learned, but they are working on other letters so they can spell out advertising messages.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

question 48

Q. Is the world flat?

A. Yes, but it has silicon implants.

Friday, July 17, 2009

question 47

Q. What do spiders with Arts degrees say?

A. "Would you like flies with that?"

Thursday, July 16, 2009

question 46

Q. Do you have any advice for the Queen of England?

A. Yes. If your job is to be unendingly polite to idiot politicians for decades on end, it may end up being too much of a temptation to keep swords and battle axes on nearby walls. Just put them away.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

question 45

Q. At the end of H.G Well's "Time Machine", the inventor's friends find that one book was removed from his shelf when he traveled into time. Which book was it?

A. Hopefully it was the instruction manual for the Time Machine.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

question 44

Q. What is the thinker thinking about?

A. He is thinking, "Where did I leave my clothes?"

Monday, July 13, 2009

question 43

Q. What would happen if War was entirely privatized?

A. Corporate recruiters would be paid more.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

question 42

Q. What is the difference between annuals and perennials?

A. Hope you are a perennial.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

question 41

Q. How do you know if you spend too much time online?

A. You are reading this blog.

Friday, July 10, 2009

question 40

Q. Why does Athena, the Goddess of Wisdom, have owls on her statues?

A. Owls keep pigeons away.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

question 39

Q. Why did the Ancient Mariner wear a large dead albatross around his neck?

A. Don't know. But he certainly had a big influence on Rapper Fashion.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

question 38

Q. Is it true that elephants are afraid of mice?

A. No. As a matter of fact, mice have recently spent a great deal of time showing elephants how to get out of mouse traps. This is a result of people changing from cheese to peanut butter.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

question 37

Q. Why is the sky blue?

A. It's natural. Everyone feels sad sometimes.

Monday, July 6, 2009

question 36

Q. What is the symbolism in the Botticelli painting, "Birth of Venus"?

A. Venus has run out of gas and is pulling in to a Shell Station.
(In the old days, when this was painted, service station attendants pumped your gas, checked your oil, gave you free drinking glasses, blow dried your hair, and wrapped you in magnificent, handwoven jacquard tapestries.)

Sunday, July 5, 2009

question 35

Q. What is a "Petting Zoo for Teenagers"?

A. This popular children's entertainment now has a version available for 13 to 19 year olds;
there are ponies, rabbits, mustangs, cougars, and impalas at the petting zoo, and the teenagers can use the back seats.

Friday, July 3, 2009

question 34

Q. If Planet Earth had one flag uniting the whole planet in Global Peace, what would it look like?

A. Ask the cockroaches, it's not going to happen with people around.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

question 33

Q. What is a selkie?

A. A selkie is a human who can turn into a seal, or a seal who can turn into a human. It is one of the more impressive parts of the witness protection plan.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

question 32

Q. Is it true that little boys are made of snakes and snails and puppy dog tails?

A. No. You are thinking of hot dogs.